Blu sucks. There it is in a nutshell. You don’t want any part of it, unless wrapping your lips around an exhaust pipe for a coal burning farm tractor circa 1915 excites you in some way. It’s just godawful. I can’t even pick up the ultra cheapo, poorly designed carrying case without having a moment of actual stomach churning revulsion. It only gets worse once i flip the little plastic lid thingy and take a whiff. Then i actually feel like i might throw up.
But let’s back the truck up for a moment.
I’ve been using the Safe Cig for over a year now. I’ve been trying to quit smoking you see, or at least quit smoking real cigarettes because i hear they’re pretty bad for you. So for christmas a few years ago my mom, who is entirely in support of me quitting smoking, bought me a Safe Cig starter kit. I don’t even remember for sure what was in the kit. Probably the initial battery and a set of refills. If you know what i’m talking about this is all pretty self explanatory and i won’t bother going over it again. If you’re looking to purchase though, PLEASE read on before you make a horrendous and expensive mistake.
Safe Cig worked fine, for the most part. They came out with a wide variety of flavors, the product worked okay, things were nice and groovy. It didn’t immediately make me quit smoking, though. That’s more my fault than the product, though. The trouble is i live in Wisconsin and the replacement cartridges get shipped out from L.A. There is no local distributor, so when you run out or haven’t sufficiently planned ahead there is no running down to the store and picking up a quick box of replacements to tie you over until the post office comes through. Combine that with the occasional outages in supply, lost shipments, the rare completely empty cartridge and sometimes completely empty online store and i ended up with a few too many moments of panic where the option was to go and buy a pack of cigarettes or try a different, more available e-cig.
Of course i wasn’t about to give up on all my hard, non-smoking work so i went with the option of getting a more available replacement e-cig. No big deal, i figured. How different could it be, really? And this way i can just nip down to the local Walgreens and pick up some replacements whenever. A friend suggested i give the throwaways a try and i did but it was a short term solution and i needed something a little more permanent.
So i chose the Blu. Good god, what a mistake.
The starter kit comes with two batteries that are a good deal smaller than SafeCig regular but about on par with the same companies slim version. It also comes with a variety pack of cartridges in cherry, menthol, something else and something else? I think. One has a little pipe picture on the side. I think it’s supposed to be like pipe tobacco. The other one has a cup of coffee on the side. I have no idea what the hell that’s supposed to be. It turns out it doesn’t matter anyway as they all taste the same. If you happen to be a professional taster of things, like a faux tobacco sommelier or something you might detect a difference but i wouldn’t want to ruin your refined taste buds on something so horrendously awful so i don’t recommend it.
Let’s put it this way: if you were to slow roast a chunk of pig poop in a brine of the worst sort of toxic cleaning agents you could find – the sort that you would use to strip rust off things or pollute entire provinces in India – you would come fairly close to the exciting flavor of the Blu e-Cigarette. To say it’s horrible doesn’t quite come close. It’s the sort of thing a conference of frightened cigarette manufacturers might come up with if they really wanted to prevent smokers from not smoking. Yes. You read that right. It made me want to smoke. And not just smoke, but smoke something awful – like cat feces. Anything would be better than that.
So, i’m stuck with my Safe Cig. I’m actually very happy with it. It works pretty well, has a nice heft to it, the flavors (the good ones anyway – there are plenty that i don’t “like” but none that i abhor with quite the same venom that i hate Blu) are actually pretty nice. I’m a huge fan of the Royale, but don’t ask me to describe it. The best i’ve been able to come up with is that it tastes a bit like the berries in Crunch Berry cereal. The only trouble is the supply and the constant, nagging fear that one day i’ll be completely without them. It’s happened once already where i’ve had to go more than a month without resupply because there was literally NOTHING available in their online store.
That said i would swim through a pool of acid filled with piranha’s to get away from the Blu which is ironic because that’s pretty much how it tastes. Dead piranha’s in acid. If that’s your thing go for it but it means we can’t be friends. I can’t associate with anyone who would have taste buds so mangled as to think it’s a good thing.