Posts Tagged With: crime procedural

Longmire Season Finale – or Wha Happened?

Beware – does contain spoilers but if you’ve seen it you’ll know and if you haven’t you might thank me.

Lets just say this loyal viewer is less than pleased. What happened? It’s a good show – or was – based on terrific books. And we waited all season for that? Seriously? Ugh. Without further ado:

I only do this because A) i’m insane and B) i love the books and liked the first season. Here are a few of the things they got wrong tonight:
1) Ed Gorski (the alleged assault victim): Doctors attending his injuries would have collected evidence in the process – nail clippings, clothes would have been impounded and trace collected. No big deal that’s a gimme.
2) Suicide victim – any cop – particularly ones we’ve actually seen on the show investigating numerous murders would know there is not enough blood or tissue at the scene to suggest that he actually did what the video purported him doing (shooting himself at point blank range).
3) Cady Longmire is an ATTORNEY for the love of god. Read your own character bios. Do you really think she’d just stand there holding the warrant like, ‘duh, hey look folks. It’s a warrant. They can look at anything they want.’ No. I’m going to guess she’d make them all stand on the porch until she finished reading every last bit of it and then watched every thing they searched.
4) A Martinez character stating ‘no crime had been committed’ in reference to the suicide victim whose body he was alleged to have burned. Congrats, dude. You actually JUST committed a crime. Until a coroner signs off and releases the body THE GUY AIN’T DEAD. So Branch could have arrested him for destruction of evidence and a number of other things.
5) Why did Vic’s character completely change in the last two episodes?
6) The cop making the trip from Denver based on THAT evidence? You’re kidding right? You have the testimony of a meth-head and absolutely no physical evidence whatsoever.
7) SPEAKING of that evidence. Congrat’s Charles Dutton. The only piece of physical evidence you actually did have you pulled unwrapped and unmarked out of the pocket of your coat and dumped on the Sheriff’s desk without picking them up again. So, guess what? You DON’T HAVE THAT EVIDENCE ANYMORE. Even if Walt didn’t dump them over when he flipped over his desk for no damned reason whatsoever they are now inadmissible because A) you apparently forgot to tag them when you apparently forgot to log them and B) you dumped them kit and kaboodle out on the desk. And C) don’t freaking tell me you got a match. How? Did you fly the technician up from Denver with you? Did you borrow the local dentist (who would then have to be flown back to Denver to testify) Did you make a comparison based on your own experience in forensic dentistry.

Clearly i am no fun to watch television with.

But why? Why screw it up so bad? Are you trying to commit television Hari Kari? Were you in such a hurry to put it in the can that you forgot reason and common sense? Were you relying on viewers not to care or notice? What happened? Honestly? Did your police consultants all suddenly quit? Did your writers suddenly get a stomach flu and left the scribbling up to the producers? Did studio execs hire gaffers to stage an armed coup of the set? Did studio execs threaten to blow up your dog? What? Didn’t anyone anywhere stop and say “hey, you know what? This whole script doesn’t work AT ALL. We might as well have unicorns stab Longmire’s wife for as much sense as we’re making here.”

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He’s Baaaaaaackkkkk – dun dun dunnnnnnn….

Sorry about the absence. I know y’all have just been screeching and screaming without me. But i’m back. I scrapped the idea of doing stuff on the weekends and it’s officially back to thursday for the regular mystery blog, provided my cats don’t object. They are currently objecting. To heck with them.

Another good reason i’ve been gone is i was undergoing some unpleasantness. I’m not going to go into the unpleasantness. You can imagine whatever. Personally i think James Patterson was poisoning me. Or maybe the cast and crew for Golden Boy. But i’m back now. Patterson – you’ve failed. Golden Boy – guess who gets the last laugh? Me! Cuz you’re cancelled! Muahahahaha!!!! You will not be police commissioner of New York by the time you’re thirty two you dreadful little cleft chin twit!!!!

In other news Mystery and Procedural TV fans, CSI New York is dead too. Who killed it? I’m sure some lab tech will show up any second now with the lab results. five…four…three…two… ah here it is. Apparently toxic levels of insufferabilisis was discovered in it’s viewer intake valve which caused a massive seizure of the whocares muscle, basically paralyzing the victim until it expired from dryness and boredom.

Let the new season of nausea begin!

First we have the first entry into ‘reality tv mystery’. Yeah. You knew it had to happen sometime. I don’t even remember what the show was called. I only know i ain’t watching it. Basically it looks like a dinner mystery. Only on TV. Oh joy. Second we have Motive which is all about… well… Motive apparently. Who cares about Motive in a homicide? That’s right. No one. But i’m a little intrigued by this one because the lead character seems a little spunky and frankly we’ve had such a dry white season of dour plodding investigators in TV Crime Drama i’m willing to give almost anything a chance. In better news though, Major Crimes is due to make a return. Which is fabulous. You want to write character, watch that show. Honestly. It may not have all the reality that you’re looking for but the assortment of the cast is really terrific and well acted.

But seeing as we have a show called motive… let’s talk a little about it shall we?

Yeah. No one cares about motive. Personally, when I’m writing a mystery the first thing I like to do is figure out the motive. And then throw it in the trash. The only time I didn’t (and even then I tried really hard to shy away from it) was Too Much Peace of Mind (Meg Brown Mystery #2) So long as we don’t give a fig about motive we can talk about the REAL motive. What is the damned story about? That’s motive. That’s the thing you’re going to reach for and pour everything through. Writerly types call it theme. I call it the reason you chose to write that story.

I’m going to be honest here. I usually have no idea what the story is about until the draft is finished and I’m editing it. Then, all of a sudden, I’m reading along and it hits me. I LOVE it when that happens. It’s like hitting a vein of gold. A vein of gold that your characters usually spent the whole first draft screaming and waving at you and trying to point out. My characters love it too. I can almost hear them sigh with exhausted relief from the pages.

Finding the motive is the key to setting up the first rewrite or edit in my opinion. If you haven’t found it, seriously consider throwing the thing in the trash. Or get your head examined. In preemptive answer to the writerly types who protest and say ‘Theme!’: I hate theme. Every time I think -or see- the word in any of the books ‘on writing’ it fills me with confusion. The rare times I’ve tried to start writing with a ‘theme’ it’s gone terrifically wrong – like a twisted awful train wreck that claims the lives of all my characters. Nay, I say. I like to start with motive. Not the motive of the killer or killers, about which I sometimes stumble into, but my motive.

Writing stories is a poetical exploration of your own psyche, which is just a fancy way of saying you’re trying to tell yourself something that you don’t know how to say out loud. You might think of it like a parable for your skull. When done right it becomes a parable for other people’s skulls too, and fertilizer. I don’t like it much when a story has a point, per se, or when it leads you to a ‘moral’ of the story. I prefer it when I can look into the rusting beer cans in the quarry and find a diamond rattling within. Joyce’s Dubliners follows this sort of model and of those stories The Dead is pretty much the be all end all. Damn thing broke my heart the first time I read it and I’m still haunted by Michael Furey standing in the snow. But I’d be damned if I could tell anyone what it’s about, nor would I want to.

I like to think of story in terms of poetry. Sure I write Genre fiction, specifically Mystery, but I tend to think that’s the perfect thing for finding your own motives. Poetry, like a homicide scene, concerns itself with trapped moments. Mystery follows details and what do we know about details? Yeah. That old chestnut. My happiest moments in writing come from those little details – a smell, a very specific sight, something found, something discovered. Like a diamond in a rusted beer can at the bottom of a quarry. How did it get there? You get a rare chance to be metaphoric and to blow up metaphor at the same time, you get to turn over the stones in your head and that’s what your own motive will do. Knowing it will help you search those paragraphs for the things you didn’t even know you were putting there. Once you know your motive for writing a story you can make the thing pop.

Okay. In all fairness to those of you who’ve read it: The Ice Cage had a lot of killers motive in it. Meg does figure out why Northcutt was murdered, but there were many reasons. The trick was to put the killer – or killers – in the room with the victim at the time of the murder. Something I’m sure you’ve heard about all the time on cop shows both real and imagined. The ‘timeline’.

Nope. Figure out why YOU’RE writing it, then hone that, bury it, let it stew like kimchee.

Well that’s all I’ve got right now. Oh. One last little thing. If you were hoping to find any more Murp Day teasers coming up, they’ve been postponed. I have been working on them – obsessing over them is really more accurate – but i think i am going to try to polish the novel they are related to before letting them seep out. If you’re REALLY curious as to what happens with Nate and Bobby at the stadium just send me a comment and we’ll see what we can do about your curiosity.

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