FREE EDITS/FICTION DOCTOR!! ONE TIME OFFER (not really. I may offer it more than once…)

Look people. I get it. You want to be a writer. God knows why. Maybe you’re a masochist. Maybe you have visions of dollar signs, travel, book signings, fame, fortune, the adoration of your colleagues. Maybe you’re insane. Actually, scratch that maybe. Unless you’re already published and churning out thrillers like it’s a roman galley you are obviously insane. No one in their right mind would actually want to be a writer.

Whatever your motivation I want you to write better. It’s that simple. As long as you’re going to plumb the depths of that lunatic psyche of yours you may as well do it with panache, right? Quixote didn’t come to the edge of his insanity, look over and say ‘nope. Not doing it.’ Nay. He swan-dove into that mother fucker. He did a triple lindy. Cyrano? Same thing. Okay. They’re literary characters and not writers. But the song remains the same.

So. If you want to write better I think I can help. That’s pretty simple too. And before you get started with the usual “who’s this guy to think he can make me write better?” My answer is: Do you care? It’s free. FREE!!!

I’ve written 5 self published stories (The Meg Brown Mysteries available on Kindle) I have two novels in the works, I’ve co-written two screenplays and did a third on my own (which I shall never speak of again) I’m working on a 6th (7th and 8th Meg Brown Mystery right now). I’ve helped edit a runner-up in a screenplay competition. And yet I’m not a professional. So there’s your answer.

News flash to you folks: Neither are you.

Chances are you found this while stumbling aimlessly through the dense forest of fiction crap that’s out there. I’m not very well-known. I’m not flashy. I live in Wisconsin for god’s sake. If there’s a flashy portion of the universe I’m in the state that it’s furthest from. Which means, if you’ve found me, you inhabit the same fictional hinterland. But i can make you better.

Let’s be honest. The most frustrating thing about working and writing in your little vacuum is not having much input. You write the thing and if you’re very lucky you have a handful of friends and family who read it and tell you how great it is. You aren’t stupid. You know they’re being delicate. You know they don’t want to hurt your feelings. They look at you like the un-medicated psychopath you actually are and they tiptoe around their input because… well… look at you. You CHOSE to write a book. Crazy people do that. People who live in cabins and have manifestos do that. Normal people do not write books. Let me put that in all caps. NORMAL. PEOPLE. DO. NOT. WRITE. BOOKS.

What you need is a reader. An editor. Someone who actually works at trying to understand what you’re getting at and can help you get there. Someone who will point out the flaws in your love story. Someone who will tell you that they figured out the plot of your story on page 10 of your 1000 page epic. Someone who can point out where your transitions suck. Someone who actively tries to give a crap about your characters and wants them to be better. Someone who thinks your murderers motive is garbage. Someone who can actually read your tripe (or genius) and help you get the satisfaction YOU want from it.

I’m not here to make you rich. I’m not here to promote your book and chances are very good that I won’t (unless I really like it) I’m not here to help you get an agent and I couldn’t tell you how. I’m here, and I will help you, because you know you want the help. And for the time being at least, I’m absolutely free. It’s up to you to see the value (or lack thereof) of my services. You can take all of my edits and tell me to go pound sand. You could praise me. Whatever. It doesn’t matter. For now it’s free.

So there you go. That’s all I’ve got. If this is something that even sounds vaguely interesting to you just send me a little comment and we’ll get the ball rolling. I’m sort of making this up on the fly so every client (if there are any) will get individualized treatment because, frankly, i have no idea how to go about starting this thing off. I’m just pissing in the breeze at this moment. If it’s a sunny day and you feel the rain, send me a message.

Categories: Fiction, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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One thought on “FREE EDITS/FICTION DOCTOR!! ONE TIME OFFER (not really. I may offer it more than once…)

  1. Diane Corriette

    Thanks for the entertaining look at the prospect of editing. I have sent my draft book out to 7 women who are reading/giving feedback/providing information on edits needed. Not sure if that is good enough or do you still think an editor is a wise choice? I love your generous offer and more than happy to take you up on it!

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